Marriage Preparation
Marriage preparation is not a hoop to jump through. It is the Church's gift to you. This guide walks you through what to expect, the types of programs available, the key conversations you need to have, and practical tips to make the most of this time.
What to Expect from Marriage Prep
Marriage preparation is required by Canon Law 1063. It typically takes 4-6 months and includes three main components: meetings with your priest or deacon, a marriage prep program, and a premarital inventory. Here is what you need to know.
Canon Law 1063 requires that couples receive proper preparation before marriage. This is not optional or a formality. It is part of the Church's pastoral care for couples beginning married life.
Most parishes ask couples to begin preparation at least 4-6 months before the wedding date. Some dioceses require even longer (up to one year). This timeline allows for meeting with your priest or deacon, completing a prep program, and taking a premarital inventory.
Marriage preparation includes: (1) meetings with your priest or deacon, (2) a marriage prep program (Pre-Cana, Beloved, etc.), and (3) a premarital inventory (like FOCCUS or Prepare/Enrich). All three work together to prepare you for the sacrament.
Marriage preparation is formation and discernment, not a test. There are no grades. The goal is to help you build a strong foundation for your marriage and to ensure you are both freely entering this sacrament with full knowledge and consent.
The Church wants your marriage to thrive, not just to plan a beautiful wedding day. Marriage prep helps you talk about expectations, resolve differences, and understand the sacramental nature of what you are entering.
Types of Marriage Prep Programs
Most dioceses and parishes offer one or more of these programs. Ask your priest which options are available to you.
Format: Parish-based weekend or series of sessions
Duration: One weekend or 4-6 weekly sessions
What makes it unique: The most traditional and widely available program. Led by married couples and clergy. Covers communication, conflict, finances, intimacy, and faith. Often includes Mass and social time with other engaged couples.
Format: Video-based program from Augustine Institute
Duration: 3 sessions over a few weeks
What makes it unique: Beautiful cinematic presentation with talks from Catholic speakers and real-life couples. Covers theology of the body, total self-gift, and the sacramental nature of marriage. Typically offered as a group retreat or at-home option.
Format: Theology of the Body based program
Duration: 4-6 sessions
What makes it unique: Rooted in St. John Paul II's Theology of the Body. Emphasizes the beauty of spousal love, the language of the body, and the call to holiness in marriage. Often includes small group discussion and at-home exercises.
Format: One-on-one mentoring with an experienced married couple
Duration: Flexible, typically 4-6 meetings over a few months
What makes it unique: Personalized preparation with a couple who has been married for many years. They walk you through the key topics and share from their own experience. More intimate and flexible than large group settings.
Format: Weekend retreat format
Duration: Full weekend (Friday night through Sunday)
What makes it unique: Intensive weekend retreat away from home. Married couples give talks, then you and your fiance have private reflection and dialogue time. Covers all major marriage topics in a deeply personal and prayerful environment.
Format: Self-paced or live virtual sessions
Duration: Varies by program
What makes it unique: For long-distance couples, military families, or those with scheduling conflicts. Some dioceses accept programs like Marriage Prep 101 or Virtual Pre-Cana. Always confirm with your parish first.
Premarital Inventories
A premarital inventory is a questionnaire you and your fiance complete separately. It measures your communication style, conflict resolution, finances, family of origin, faith, intimacy, and life goals. Your priest, deacon, or trained facilitator reviews the results with you. This is NOT a test you can pass or fail. It is a conversation starter.
The most widely used Catholic premarital inventory. You each answer 150+ questions about your relationship, family background, communication style, conflict resolution, finances, intimacy, faith, and life goals. Results are reviewed together with your priest, deacon, or a trained facilitator. It identifies strengths and areas to work on before marriage.
A widely used secular tool that many Catholic parishes accept. It measures communication, conflict resolution, finances, family of origin, faith and values, intimacy, and personality. Like FOCCUS, it is NOT pass/fail. It gives you and your facilitator a roadmap for conversation about the key areas of married life.
Must-Have Conversations Before Marriage
Your marriage prep program and premarital inventory will surface many of these topics. Do not wait for your facilitator to bring them up. Start these conversations now during your engagement.
Different expectations about family size, timing, parenting style, education, and faith formation can become major sources of conflict later. Discuss this before you say "I do."
Money is one of the top sources of marital conflict. Talk openly about student loans, credit card debt, savings goals, who pays for what, and how you will handle financial decisions together.
How important is Sunday Mass? Will you pray together as a couple? Which parish will you join? How will you handle faith differences if one of you is more devout? These questions shape your spiritual life together.
Where will you spend Christmas? How often will you visit each family? What boundaries do you need with parents or siblings? Unspoken expectations here can cause real pain.
Every couple fights. What matters is how. Do you yell, shut down, or walk away? How do you apologize? How do you forgive? Learning each other's communication style and conflict patterns now will save you years of hurt.
The Church teaches that marriage is ordered to both unity and procreation. Discuss your expectations for physical intimacy, how you will practice Natural Family Planning if you choose to space children, and how you express affection.
Who cooks, cleans, does laundry? Will one of you stay home with children? How do you feel about both spouses working? Unspoken assumptions about gender roles can cause resentment.
Every marriage faces trials: job loss, illness, death of a loved one, infertility. How do you support each other in suffering? How do you grieve? How do you carry the cross together?
Tips for Engaged Couples
Here is how to get the most out of your marriage preparation process.
Many parishes and dioceses require 6 months minimum. Some require a full year. Starting early gives you time to complete everything without rushing and to truly benefit from the process.
The premarital inventory is confidential and is reviewed only by you and your facilitator. Answer truthfully. The goal is to surface differences so you can talk about them before marriage, not to look perfect.
Marriage prep covers a lot of ground. Write down questions, insights, and action items. You will want to come back to these conversations as you grow in your marriage.
Marriage prep is not just practical planning. It is spiritual formation. Pray together regularly during your engagement. Ask God to prepare your hearts for the sacrament you are about to receive.
The wedding day is beautiful, but it is one day. Marriage is a lifetime. Let the prep process shape how you think about this sacrament and the vocation you are entering together.
Ask couples who have been married 10, 20, or 30 years what they wish they had known before marriage. Their wisdom is invaluable and will complement the formal prep program.
Frequently Asked Questions
Typically 4-6 months from start to finish. This includes scheduling your initial meeting with the priest or deacon, completing your chosen prep program (weekend or series), taking the premarital inventory, and reviewing the results. Some dioceses require up to one year.
Some dioceses accept online programs for long-distance couples, military families, or those with scheduling conflicts. Always check with your parish first. Even if you do an online program, you will still meet in person with your priest or deacon to review your inventory and discuss your readiness for marriage.
The Church asks couples who are living together to live separately during the final months of preparation (typically 3-6 months before the wedding). This is not punishment. It is pastoral care. Living separately during engagement helps you practice self-gift, chastity, and the freedom that will make your wedding night a true beginning. Your priest or deacon will discuss this with you privately.
If either party has been previously married, additional steps are required. The Church must first determine whether the prior marriage was valid. If it was, you will need an annulment before you can marry in the Church. If the prior marriage was not valid (for example, if it was a civil marriage without Church permission), you may not need an annulment. Your priest will guide you through this process. Once any impediments are resolved, you will complete the same marriage prep as any other couple.
Both of you will attend marriage preparation together regardless of religious background. The Catholic party must promise to do all they can to raise children in the Catholic faith. The non-Catholic party is informed of this promise and is not required to make the same promise. Your priest will help you obtain the necessary permissions (dispensation for disparity of cult if the other party is unbaptized, or permission for mixed marriage if the other party is a baptized Christian).
It depends on the parish and diocese. Some parishes offer only one program. Others give you a menu of options (Pre-Cana, Beloved, Engaged Encounter, etc.) and let you choose. Some couples attend a program at a different parish or diocese and bring proof of completion back to their home parish. Always confirm with your priest or deacon first.
Marriage preparation is a gift. Approach it with an open heart. The conversations you have now will shape your entire married life. If you have questions about your specific situation, contact your parish office. They are here to help.